Sometimes You Just Have to Jump and Build Your Wings On the Way Down

I write here more for myself than anything else. Today, I felt the need to write about how I've been feeling lately.

I have jumped into the unknown and it scares the hell out of me. I have uprooted my life and moved to Oklahoma...because I am in love. It's the scariest and the most exhilarating thing I've ever done in my life.

I hate the unknown, I hate big changes. Yet, this felt more right than anything I've done before. The fear I feel really has nothing to do with living on my own or making a life away from the support of my family. The fear I feel stems directly from wondering if he understands the depth of my feelings for him and if he will ever get to that point with me.

I am aware of my own shortcomings. I have trust issues, I can be very insecure, I get jealous easily though I try really hard not to, I jump to conclusions in .2 seconds sometimes. I need reassurance occasionally that things are okay, I need intimacy and affection. I know I'm not the easiest person to date but under all of that, I will do everything in my power to make those I love happy and I'm as loyal as they come.

If it doesn't work out, I know I will be okay, I know it won't kill me. God knows I've been through it before, though I've never had feelings quite as strong as these. I'm strong enough to know I will survive and life will go on. But I want this to work more than I've ever wanted anything.